/// dream the journey

As I sat in Bob's house for our second Glocalnet internship meeting last October, Bob was describing his story of God's work in his life. As he told us that God had asked him this question several years before ("When will Jesus be enough"), God whispered it to my heart in that moment as well.

Honestly, I knew my answer; but I wasn't completely prepared to deal with the question at that time, so I pushed it out of my mind. It just kept resurfacing though over and over again within the past several months during the course of my daily time with God.

Jesus wasn't enough for me. I wanted him to be, but he wasn't. It wasn't that I didn't love him; I did. But I wasn't satisfied with what he freely offered, grace and love. At the depths of my heart, I wanted significance, fulfilled ambition, and recognition. The irony is none of this is really free. For the first time in my life, I feel like I understand what God's grace is. Nothing I can do will ever be enough, because it's not about doing enough. I can't earn it by sinning less or diminish it by sinning more. That's the beauty of it. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) He already gave everything to love me at my worst, so his love for me is not contingent upon what I do or don't do. It just is. He loves me because I am his creation; he loves me for who I am.

The more I go after God, the more Jesus is becoming enough. And it’s a liberating process. E. Stanley Jones was right when he said these two things: "The very heart of the Kingdom of God was a losing of oneself in order to find a larger self," and "Self surrender is the door to abundant life, and there is no other door." I'm walking through that door.